“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday’.”
So here I am, 1 week into year #35. I’ve had a baby powder explosion in the bathroom. (Side thought: When in SAM HELL did I transition from Bath & Body Works body spray, to BABY POWDER?!?!) It just POOFED out all over the place. A big cloud of white. I thought I was transported back to Upstate New York in a snowstorm, or The 70’s – I wasn’t sure which. I don’t have time to clean it up. I’m late AGAIN. Hope Merle Haggard doesn’t think it’s food.
I’m 35 and I might be losing my edge, my mind, weird places are creeking and cracking and FOR REAL where did these 5 pounds, bingo wings and HIPS come from!?!? (hehehe. “Bingo Wings“: The phenomenon when a woman’s underarms become flappy. Otherwise known as “Bat Wings”.)
I’m not married (on paper). I don’t have kids (the human kind). In my dreams Momma Nature keeps playing the broken record: “Tick, tick, tick, my darlin’.”
So, I know in the scheme of things, you are only as old as you WANT to be. This is what I keep hearing people say. “Wait to have kids! Enjoy life now! Live it up!” or “You’ll get married when the time is right! Enjoy each other!”. Well, as much as it pains me to say, at 35 I’m almost too old to have kids. That advice is better suited for someone in their early to mid twenties. Because I think it’s the best advice you can give to a young person. There’s always an exception (I know a few who are/were totally ducks-in-a-row READY for flight!) and I am very much aware that life doesn’t necessarily work out the way you plan sometimes. Truth be told, if you asked me in High School, I thought I would be married by 27 and on the way to my second or third offspring by now. I’m glad I missed that boat. Whats the rush?!?! I knew it before anyone really even had to say it to me. “No WAY! Not ME! Not NOW!”
With the exception of college and beginning a career, your 20’s should be fun and FREE! Being crazy and FIGURING YOUR SHIT OUT. (In the most responsible way that you can…duh…of course!) I still am and forever will be en-route to “figuring”. Because no matter how you spin it, we are always learning. Taking in the good and chucking out the bad. However, I’ve done the crazy. THANK the ever-loving God’s of being Young. In no way, shape or form could I do it now, let alone 10 years from now. I’ve kissed boys and stayed out way too late. I’ve left the comfort of being comfortable. I’ve moved from “home” and a place I’ve always known, to find new places and new experiences. I’ve spent days and nights on the beach. I’ve been careless and free and skinny dipped in the ocean. I’ve dated for the short-term and I’ve had the long term. All of these un-wed, and un-child things I’ve experienced during my 20’s have made me what I am today in my 30’s. Thankful, happy and a bit wiser than I once was. I have absolutely NO desire to go backwards. I don’t think I ever will and I feel grateful for that. Oh, I’ll still live it up; you can count on that. More adult-like than previously, but it will and does happen! It’s just that recovery time has been increased to days, rather than hours. And I’d actually like to DO something with my Saturdays and Sundays. Like work in the yard, or do other adult homeowner things. I feel like I should say “next chapter please!”, but I’m already living there. Another one is on the horizon. Aren’t they always?
35 is scary. Personally, I’m at a turning point. Relationship-wise, we’re on the right track, but I’m feeling the wolves at my heels. I’m afraid that if I move too slow, I’ll get too in love with the life I’m creating with Josh to fit another human in. Or that it will simply be too late. I need a weekend with my best girlfriends. I need guidance, wise words, belly laughs and the support only women who have known me since I was young and naive can give. And wine, definitely wine.
35. Stuck between young and middle age. I suddenly feel the urge to
steal rent buy a Ferrari minivan.
….so about that baby powder….
Tomorrow I’m buying a bottle of damn Chanel.
(Go Red Sox!)